50 Questions a Potential Alcoholic Must Ask Him/Herself
| 1 ) | Do you ever refer to 6 a.m. as “tonight”? |
| 2 ) | Are you exceptionally particular about what kind of glass your drinks are poured into? |
| 3 ) | Do you often find yourself looking at photographic evidence of an evening you don’t remember? |
| 4 ) | Do you have trouble finding your underwear in the morning? |
| 5 ) | Are you ever too hung over to bother bathing? |
| 6 ) | Do you lose track of how many drinks you have in a night? Do you care? |
| 7 ) | Is a large pepperoni pizza or a fast food cheeseburger at 2:30 in the morning your usual idea of “dinner”? |
| 8 ) | Do you ever wake up fully dressed….
a. on the bathroom floor? b. halfway into the fridge? c. on someone else’s couch? |
| 9 ) | Do you find yourself saying, “a shot for me and all of my friends”, more than twice a night? |
| 10) | Do you find yourself asking what day of the week it is? |
| 11) | Is the phrase, “the hair of the dog…”
a. your mantra? b. a multiple choice question? c. breakfast? d. a weekday routine? |
| 12) | Do you find bruises or wounds who’s origins are entirely unknown? |
| 13) | Have you ever said more than twice a week, “I’ve never been so drunk in my life”? |
| 14) | Do you immediately resume drinking after puking? |
| 15) | Have you ever sat on the same barstool for 14 hours straight? |
| 16) | Have you ever had food delivered to a bar? |
| 17) | Do bartenders at more than one bar know your name and drink of choice? |
| 18) | Is a $30 parking ticket an outrage, but a $50 tab at the bar perfectly acceptable? |
| 19) | Does the person on the adjacent barstool become your best friend?
Do you know his/her name? |
| 20) | Do you order more than one drink for yourself at last call? |
| 21) | Do you hear the words, “last call” , more than three times a week?
Do they make you cringe? |
| 22) | Do you sprint to the liquor store at last call? |
| 23) | Have you ever gone home with the bartender? |
| 24) | Does the bartender call you at home/work and ask you where the hell you are? |
| 25) | Do your friends/family call you at the bar? |
| 26) | Have you ever left any personal belongings at a bar?
Did the bartender know they were yours? |
| 27) | Do you lie to your doctor about how much you really drink? |
| 28) | Have you ever left ALL of your money on the bar? |
| 29) | Do you know where to drink at 6 a.m. on a Wednesday morning? |
| 30) | Do you ever stop in a bar for a drink on your way to and/or from the gym? |
| 31) | Do you borrow money to drink? |
| 32) | Have you ever introduced yourself to someone at a bar who responded, “…Oh, I’ve heard about you…”? |
| 33) | Can you sing along to every song on the jukebox? |
| 34) | Did you meet your last three dates/sexual encounters in bars? |
| 35) | Are you considered a regular at more than one bar? |
| 36) | Do you have to explain yourself to the bartender when you don’t show up? |
| 37) | Do you buss tables at the bar in a vain effort to earn your keep? |
| 38) | Do you sit in the same place every time you go the same bar?
Does it feel unnatural to sit elsewhere? |
| 39) | Have you ever fallen off a barstool? |
| 40) | Do you know who’s bar tending on any given night of the week at your regular bar? |
| 41) | If you have no money, does the bartender still give you drinks due to your regular patronage? |
| 42) | Are most of your personal affects stained with liquor? |
| 43) | Have you ever felt like you were trapped in a really bad episode of “Cheers”? |
| 44) | Do you own any articles of clothing from a bar’s lost and found? |
| 45) | Do people buy you booze for your birthday or for Christmas? |
| 46) | If you only have time or inclination for one, do you have two or three or more? |
| 47) | Is your morning coffee Irish? |
| 48) | Is your idea of exercise the 16 oz. curl? |
| 49) | Can you claim your bartender as a dependent on your taxes? |
| 50) | Do you find the fact that you have drinking problem humorous? |