Month: July 2015

So – got a text message this morning, from a number unknown to me, stating:

“I want ur dick ass and feet”

This has perplexed me, as you would expect.

• What does this person want with my “dick ass and feet”?  What do they have planned for that combination of my body parts?
• How do I respond to this? Should I respond?
• But every time I start to ponder the above questions, I realise there is one question more pressing than all others, which needs to be answered before the other questions can even begin.
  The grammar.
  This, people, is why so-called “grammar nazis” exist, and are (often) justified… without grammar, multiple meanings are possible.
  • Ignoring the “ur” – I’m going to assume this was meant as “your”, and just a case of modern lazy/mis-spelling…
    (although intriguing possibilities multiply if that isn’t true… was it supposed to be “Ur”?)
  • I don’t know if this person wants my dick, ass, and feet;
    if they think my ass is dickish, but they want it anyway, plus my feet as a bonus;
    or if they think both my ass and feet are ‘dick’, but want them anyway (or because of?).

I guess a true “grammar nazi” would make a point of taking the message at face value… that this person is crying out for feet, and some ancient Sumerian dick-filled (flavoured? patterned?) ass.

I know my grammar is far from perfect… I know there are grammatical errors in this very rant for people to gleefully and smugly point out.  But I do try to at least use enough punctuation to make my ungrammatical ramblings unambiguous.   I sometimes re-read an email at work a dozen times: inserting commas, semi-colons, even words – until I get some possible meaning out of it.  And usually arrive at multiple interpretations to select from, often contradictory.

Grammar, particularly punctuation.  And spelling.  It could be the difference between you getting some smelly old Iraqi dick-smelling ass and feet; and my sweet dick, ass, and feet.

It’s worth the effort.

[edit]: another, optimistic, interpretation has been suggested – perhaps a secret admirer who has given me the nickname “ass and feet”.
Any other suggestions?

[edit2]: whoever this is, they’re persistent.  A repeat message was received in the evening, reiterating their desire of my dick ass and feet.  I had to respond, if only to get some more clues as to intentions.